Laughter Yoga

I'm reading a wonderful book, A Whole New Mind, by Daniel Pink. More on the book later but I wanted to tell you about an intriguing concept that's discussed in the book--laughter clubs as a way of boosting our joyfulness and productivity as human beings. Go to www.laughteryoga.org to find out more.

Are You The Product of Life Coaching?

A prospective coaching client asked me this provocative question. It spoke to walking the talk, eating my own dog food, and living the results of what I believe in. I have paid for formal coaching. I've swapped coaching with colleagues I respect and admire. And I have been the beneficiary of people who brought coaching qualities to our relationship.

What intrigued me most was how different people have stepped into the role of coach at different times of my life:

• My mother has been one to provide new perspectives. Now in her late 70's, she came to this country in her 20's. She has the wisdom that one acquires from being an immigrant, living through war times, being laid off, filing for bankruptcy, being widowed, and finding her way in a new world. So when I complain to Mom about something, she easily gives me another perspective.

• One of my business mentors has been one to tell me the truth, even when it hurts. I've told this story many times so bear with me if you've heard it before. In the summer of 2004, I was enjoying the life of a free-wheeling solopreneur--creative, following my passion, loving my work. And not much else in terms of a business plan. Jeanenne painted for me the brutal reality that I had been denying. I might have savings in the bank but I wasn't going to make it without a new approach to running a business.

• My sister has been one to see my brilliance and encourage more of it to come out. She was the one that told me many years ago, as a teenager, that I was a good writer. It took another 30 years for that to come out in me.

There are countless others who have informally coached me along the way. So as a professional coach, it may seem odd that I'm pointing out how you can get coaching without hiring a coach. The truth is, it has taken me 44 years to get to this place. Hiring a coach accelerates the process because you get the whole package, concentrated and focused in one relationship.

Yes, I'm the product of life coaching. And I have seen my life change dramatically because coaching has become a way of life for me. BTW--the prospective client is now a new client.

Lowering Expectations, Outsourcing, and Perspective

I had an extraordinary experience recently. I hosted a relaxing Thanksgiving dinner for my family. Yes, relaxing. And no, we didn't have it catered or eat out at a restaurant. It was a home-cooked meal (mostly).

My husband and I noticed the lack of stress, both the day before Thanksgiving and at the start of the meal itself. My sister-in-law asked us our secret. We both replied without hesitation, "We lowered our expectations." Instead of elaborate recipes from Bon Appetit, we stuck to simple dishes--mashed potatoes and turkey and green beans with garlic and shallots. I know you're thinking that sounds too easy. So on reflection, here's what else made it a stress-free holiday:

• Stick to your core competency and outsource the rest. A recent Wall Street Journal article interviewed management consulting companies to see how they would handle Thanksgiving dinner and this was their solution. For us that meant buying gravy in a jar, cranberry sauce in a can, and ready-to-bake pies and dinner rolls. I made banana bread (a core competency of mine) and my husband made the turkey. I asked my stepsister to make the mashed potatoes (not my core competency) and my sister-in-law to bring an appetizer. Throw in a couple of make ahead side dishes and voila, dinner was done.

• Spend time dreaming what you want. I emailed my sister in Hong Kong a few days before: "I’ll be doing Thanksgiving dinner for the family this year. Looking forward to relaxing and enjoying the company." She wrote back with the equivalent of "Are you crazy?" in nice sister-speak. Just by expecting to enjoy my family, I maintained a sense of ease in the preparation leading up to turkey day.

• Do small tasks along the way. That meant washing the china and wine glasses a couple of days ahead of time. And showing my son how to make place cards the weekend before. Candlesticks were cleaned and candles lined up the day before. The kids pulled out their favorite board games an hour before guests arrived. I baked a side dish and banana bread a day ahead.

• Build in time for fun. You can do this as an individual or a as couple or as a family. One hour before guests arrived, you would have found me practicing my flute and my husband practicing the piano. My husband took our son to see the new Harry Potter movie earlier in the week. I got my daily run in all week long. As a family, we watched PBS shows and played the Risk board game.

• Give yourself a smaller window for your normal workday. That meant knocking off by 1 or 2pm leading up to the days before Thanksgiving. I closed the doors to my home office and focused on what needed to be done around the house instead. Yes, I could have done more work in my office. But by giving myself a deadline to leave the office, I think I was actually more productive. For those of you who are in the corporate world, this may feel difficult. I'd urge you to ask yourself the question, "And what's the worst that could happen if I left the office now?"

Now that we are into the full swing of the holiday season, I'm adding two more things--naps on the weekends (that's the dreaming part) and putting things into perspective.

I recently unearthed a transcript of interviews my brother did with our parents in 1991, right before my brother's twin girls were born. He wanted to capture our parents' lives for his own children. What he did, unintentionally, was give me perspective for my own life, knowing the hardships that our parents went through in a different place and time. When I read about blatant discrimination, being separated from family during war time, and living in drafty basements, I can fully appreciate how easy my life is by comparison. It makes the holiday shopping frenzy a walk in the park.

Find your own stories, put your life in perspective, and enjoy a relaxing holiday season.

The New World of Marketing

Recently, I came across a link to a video on the subject of fun and creativity. The link came to me two ways--as a on-line posting from the creator of the video, Michael Bungay Stanier, to a discussion group for coaches and from an acquaintance who is a maven for finding interesting things on the web. Viral marketing at its best.

I LOVED the video. The animated video shows the Eight Irrestistible Principles of Fun, set to the music of a well-known orchestral piece. It's fun, relaxing to watch, and fresh. While the five minute video is playing there are four options as next steps:

1. Send to a friend (reinforcing the notion of viral marketing)
2. Sign up for the Michael's ezine (the start of a new customer relationship)
3. Order the Eight Principle card set (BINGO! conversion from window shopper to customer)
4. Contact Michael (the start of a new customer relationship)

When the video ends, it takes you to a page that outlines the last 3 options again.

I liked what I saw so much that I emailed Michael about the possibility of being an affiliate (selling his products on my website) and bought the Eight Principles card set. I also sent the link for the video to all of my past and current coaching clients. Hmm....this one video got me to take three of the four suggested actions. Not bad.

Now, here's what is really remarkable.

I had been exposed to Michael and his products several times before seeing the video. He had been a guest on Shirley Anderson's Coaching Salon and afterwards, Shirley, a friend who I trust and admire, raved about him in her follow-up notes. I had seen another of Michael's products featured in a magazine that I subscribe to, choice. And I had seen Michael in-person at the ICF conference not more than two weeks ago in San Jose. At the conference, Michael was a moderator for a panel on developing coaching products and talked about his own experience in developing products.

But it wasn't until I saw his video that I got engaged in who Michael Bungay Stanier is and what he has to offer. Funny how that works.

Welcome to the new world of marketing. Sure, recommendations from friends can help, as well as write-ups in respected publications. Even meeting the man behind the product helps. But what got me hooked was giving me a great experience. So ready for a great experience?

(BTW--If you decide to buy the Eight Principles card set, do me a favor and use my affiliate link
to order from. This ensures I get credit for steering you to Michael's website. I haven't gotten my card set yet but once I do, I'll play with them and do a review of the cards on my website before officially offering up the affiliate link.)

Okay, now on to the experience. Click on the link below for 5 minutes that will make you smile. Enjoy!
www.eightprinciples.com

The Science Behind the Magic

On the subject of perception, take a few seconds to see how our mind can play tricks on us:
www.patmedia.net/marklevinson/cool/cool_illusion.html

Continue reading only after you've gone to the link--otherwise you'll spoil the fun for yourself.

I sent this link to my coaching clients. One of them wrote back that she had already seen this phenomena and had asked a friend of hers in the neurosciences about the phenomena.
Thanks to Jeff Diamond, wherever you are, for the following scientific explanation:

By fixating on the +, you keep the dots in the same part of your visual field, so light from the red dots hit the same batch of photoreceptors for an extended period. As a result, your red cone photoreceptors start to accommodate to the constant red input. So, when the red spot goes blank, there are fewer red cones ready to respond to the gray background (which contains an equal amount of all colors), so it looks green (the optimal color for the other major cone). Eventually, the red cones completely accommodate, so the red spots, um, appear to disappear, but when the red spot really does disappear, you see green, because the red spot disappearing actually reflects the addition of non-red hues to the spot (to make gray).

My left brain is loving how this all fits together so nicely. For my right brain, this is akin to revealing the man behind the green curtain as the Wizard of Oz. It's interesting to find the logical explanation of what I'm experiencing. And I hope we never become so smart as to explain everything I experience in logical terms. I prefer a bit of mystery and magic in my life.

Asking for What You Want

At the ICF conference, there were several people who I kept running into throughout the week. This is at a conference of over 1600 coaches. So I began to look deeper at what the message might be.

One of these repeated encounters was with a coach, Mark D'Ambrosio. Mark's story is remarkable in that he ended up at the conference because he asked for what he wanted, a practice that he had found difficult to follow in his life. A month before the conference, he asked for airfare, a place to stay, someone to watch his kids while he was gone, and a pass to the sold out conference. He got everything he asked for. He ran into me immediately after going to the registration desk and picking up his conference pass. He was absolutely beaming. I didn't get the full details of how his miracle had come to pass but my guess is that much of it is due to the kindness of strangers--fellow coaches from the on-line discussion group, The Co-Active Network, who saw his posting for help.

So I'm convinced that I saw Mark all week long--in break out sessions, at lunch, in the hallways-- to drive the same message home to me: Ask for what you want. Don't worry about how the order will be delivered. Just put your order in.

Now this might seem to be all hocus pocus, airy fairy, New Age wishful thinking. And I'm willing to play with it. Heck, what do I have to lose?

So here's what I've posted on my office wall: Five More Clients by Nov 30, 2005. (BTW--I just added the 2005 as I've heard that in order to manifest, you need to be specific.) These could be personal coaching clients, executive coaching clients, clients for a skill building class I'm offering in January, relationship coaching clients or team development clients.

This has really put me in a kick-ass mood to see exactly what I am capable of manifesting. And oddly enough, I'm unattached to whether it works. I'm more interested in observing as the mad scientist, playing out another experiment in the Universe. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

In the meantime, it would be fun to hear what you want to manifest in your life.

Chance Meetings

While I was at a coaching conference last week, I had a chance to stop by a booth on Building a Better Blog. I had fun being a guest blogger on a site called Blog Squad Live!, set up to capture the experiences of conference participants. I blogged about two wonderful chance meetings that occurred at the conference.

I'd love to hear stories of your own chance meetings.......

Networking, Naturally

I was recently solicited by a coaching training school to write an article about networking for their newsletter. After writing the article, I decided to also submit it to a women's on-line group, WorldWIT. The article was published in WorldWIT's newsletter last night. Based on the feedback I'm getting, networking is something that alot of people have an interest in, not just coaches!

One thing that strikes me on this topic--networking becomes easier as I have a clearer sense of myself and what I have to offer. What makes networking easier for you?

Wholeness and Making Meaning

Today is the second day of the International Coach Federation conference. I didn't think I would be blogging much while away from home. But what I've found is that when I'm in a new setting, writing helps me make meaning of my experiences.

Yesterday, the keynote speaker was Rachel Naomi Remen. She's the author of the books, Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather's blessing. Her writing is the re-telling of stories so that meaning is shared, from one human being's experience to another. Her talk had the same effect.

First, it's important to note the impact this woman had before she spoke a word. I can only describe her presence as heavenly. This is not mortals bowing to god. It is each of us finding our own peace in the presence of someone who exudes peace. Peace with herself. Peace with life. It's no wonder that she started off the talk with a story about her mother's last words before she died: "I am satisfied."

Dr. Remen treats cancer patients and her stories are about wholeness. What she sees in situations that appear bleak to others, she sees the potential for wholeness. She spreads this message through story-telling. To quote her, "People sometimes need stories more than food." My kind of gal.

More later. I'm off to catch a train to go to the conference.

Airline Travel in the 21st Century

Seems odd to say 21st century. When I was a kid, I imagined that air travel would be glamorous and somewhat magical in the 21st century. Think of JFK and Jackie O debarking from Air Force One, down the steps of the plane into the arms of an adoring crowd.

My trip yesterday to San Jose, CA from Denver was anything but that. Here's what I noticed about airline travel these days:

• It used to be that if I bought tickets far enough in advance, I could get an aisle or window seat. First come, first serve. The last couple of times I've flown, I've noticed that my seats were not assigned and could not be assigned before getting to the airport. This happened yesterday, on a fully packed plane, and I ended up in the middle seat. What I found out is that the ability to reserve a seat ahead of the day of departure is now tied to the fare structure. Pay more, get a chance at a better seat. The higher the fare, the more seats that can be pre-assigned before day of travel.
• Planes are smaller and packed to the gills. And according to an article in the Wall Street Journal, more likely to be cancelled on less frequently traveled routes. Yesterday's flight was a last minute scramble to find seats for all the passengers after a change to a much smaller plane. There were rumblings of cancelling the flight. So much for reliable transportation.
• I figured out the food thing a long time ago. In other words, don't count on it. Around noon, I pulled out of my backpack a sandwich that I had carefully made in the morning, consisting of grilled salmon from the previous night's dinner, hard boiled egg slices, lettuce and pesto sauce from the local farmer's market. This was followed by a crisp Fuji apple and two chocolates from the leftover Halloween candy. Yes, this is what lunch on a plane should look like.
• What is surprising is that the airlines now consider that their only obligation to nourishment and drink on a flight is a can of soda, pretzels, and get this, water. Yes, instead of offering the after dinner coffee, the flight attendant walked down the aisle offering glasses of water. Don't get me wrong. I think water is a great idea, especially at 30,000 feet. It's just that to make it a highlight of the service seems to be, well, a bit over the top.
• Headphones. Travelers these days don't pack eye packs. They pack their headphones. It's a polite way of saying that even though you are only 2 inches away from me for the next three hours, I don't want to encourage any kind of conversation. What I found out from one traveler in the bathroom line is that some headphones (Bose model) are designed to eliminate the low frequencies of engine noise while allowing the higher frequencies of the human voice to penetrate. Could have fooled me.
• The greeting at the gate has been replaced by the cell phone call in the baggage claim area. "Honey, I'm here waiting for my bags. I'll meet you at the curb in 10 minutes." Airports even have a place for the receiver of these calls to wait. Oddly enough, it's called the CellphoneWaiting Area.
• And at the gate, what happens is even more indicative of airline travel today. I am met by the tired looks of travelers waiting to get on the cramped, stuffy plane that I have just come off of. They are bored, irritable, and hoping that the plane will be on time.

More on my trip to CA later this week.......

1,600 Coaches in One Room

I'm off to the annual International Coach Federation conference. The conference is sold out with 1,600 coaches attending. It's a chance for people who have seen each other on-line or in teleclasses to meet in the flesh. I keep wondering if there's a joke about what happens when you get 1,600 coaches in one room.

If I get the chance, I'll blog from the conference and let you know if I have an ending to the joke.

A Different Kind of Musical Experience

Last night, I attended the debut of the Baroque Orchestra of Colorado. You may have remembered from a previous post, this is culmination of a 10 year dream for my friend and coaching client, Frank Nowell.

Several things struck me about the performance last night:

• As the artistic director of the orchestra, Frank made some opening remarks to the audience. He talked about why baroque music from the 17th and 18th centuries would be relevant to individuals living in the 21st century. It came down to three qualities of baroque music (at least in how this group plays it): authentic emotion, sensitivity, and profundity. Hey, I'd like to have more of that in my life.
• The performance was in a church. The first note, cued by the movement of the concertmistress putting bow to violin, was nothing less than heavenly. I'm no music critic (although I do have many years of flute lessons and playing in various groups in high school and afterwards) but I know heavenly music when I hear it.
• The majority of the orchestra was standing up during the performance. Only the harpsichordist, the cellist, and the bassist were sitting down. Standing up allows a whole range of movement that is lost in the sitting position. Movements can be amplified and the full expression played out. This changed how the group related to each other and to the audience. The concertmaster, Cynthia Miller Freivogel, exemplified the use of body movement in feeling and communicating the music. It's hard to describe the aliveness and energy in a room where the musicians are relating to each other in time, space, and sound so intimately. Suffice it to say that it is an exhilarating experience for the audience, and quite a surprise for music that can be thought of as sedate. Frank had told me about musicians throwing themselves into the music. Now I know what he means.
• The performance was infused with musical dialogue--between the 1st and second violins, between the concertmaster and the cellist, between the recorders and the rest of the orchestra. I have never been an opera fan but it reminded me of a much more likable version of opera.
• During the intermission, the musicians mingled with the audience. I noticed this same concertmaster explaining to a child how she steadies the violin with just a few fingers while playing. It was refreshing to see the musicians interacting with the audience in another way. Again, there's that sense of intimacy and being a part of the experience in a new way.

If what you are yearning for is more humanity in the world, a good place to start is by attending one of the Baroque Chamber Orchestra of Colorado's performances. Their next performance is on Friday, April 28, 2006 at 7:30pm at St. John's Cathedral in Denver with music of Handel, Purcell, Locke, and Matteis. Call 303.889.1012 for more info. I'll post their website once it's up and running.

People Who Make a Difference

Just found out about a research project on ordinary people who make a difference in the lives of others. Sponsored by an organization that does training on Emotional Intelligence, here's how one of the researchers talks about the project:

"In the past few years I have been frustrated by my own inability to make the kind of difference I want in the world. I want to believe in Anabel Jensen's idea that the way we change the world is "a person at a time," but I don't know if it works or how to do it. This project is a way for us to understand and share what lets people make a real difference in the lives of the people they touch."

To find out more about this project, go to:

http://www.6seconds.org/difference/

The website goes on to say:
" We want to learn from these “difference makers” so we can make more of a difference ourselves - and so we can teach others about what it takes. To do so, we need 15-20 minutes of your help to answer a few questions about someone who has “made a difference with a small d.”

I hope you'll take a few minutes to help out and reflect on who has made a difference in your life and why.

Visiting Foreign Lands

I found a blog about creative collaboration, one of my favorite topics. The blogger, Denzil Meyers, has a foot in the theatre world and a foot in the coaching world. His clients are ad agencies teams and other partnerships whose success depends on being creative together.

I especially enjoyed a post entitled When In Doubt, Accelerate. It points to the value of doing the opposite of what our instincts would tell us. This is based on a book about high performance motorcycle racing--a discipline that is completely foreign to me. The lesson for me is that we can learn alot from visiting "foreign lands."

When Dreams DON'T Come True

The wonderful thing about blogs is that as a writer, I finally have a place to publish my short musings, those fragments of thoughts that haven't amounted to much except another short word file on my laptop. So here's one that I just remembered I wrote, over a year ago. The memory of this musing was triggered by a class I'm taking this weekend on high dreams, low dreams, and the stories that come out of our lives and relationships. Enjoy.


Tonight, it feels like I am in sacred space. I have peered into the lives of eight strangers—eight sample coaching sessions, one after another, for the staff of a local hotel. The intent was to familiarize the staff with coaching in preparation of rolling it out as a service to their guests.

The result was an overwhelming feeling of how privileged I am to see the tenderness, vulnerability, yearning and awkwardness of the human condition. I heard the Gremlins, the voices that keep one in the status quo, that one would never reveal, even to the closest of friends. I saw in one face the satisfaction that comes with needing so little and giving so much. I witnessed the tears welling up in eyes, a sign of a fully open heart and a reminder of regret for the past.

The staff ranged in age from 19 to 55. How lovely to see what teens struggle with juxtaposed next to mid-life issues. And to know that we all yearn for a life that fits us, one that honors our values and allows us to be fully seen.

People light up when you “get them,” when I call out what they have known all along but couldn’t communicate to others.

I am also in sacred space tonight because I’ve seen what it means to fail yourself, to try a dream out and be bewildered at why your best efforts don’t seem to be good enough. One of my coaching colleagues told me that she is looking for a job—one that will allow her to pay the bills.

I tell her about my own wake-up call this past summer with one of my mentors. I had two years of savings yet to burn through. I’m now turning things around with a concentrated six month effort to be financially sustainable on coaching income alone. She is not as lucky. She doesn’t have six months of savings left. She needs a job now.

My mind races at what she could have done earlier, when she still had savings and time. I also have unceremoniously announced in my mind that she hasn’t tried hard enough, hasn’t tried enough new things, or spent time on her own energy and self-esteem. Anything but having to admit that dreams can’t come true.

My heart aches when the human spirit comes face to face with defeat. It shouldn’t be this way, I tell myself. Yet I know that this moment, too, is sacred.

I’m not sure what all of this means, other than this: To live fully is to experience fully. No matter what is in front of us or the message that it bears. What hath God wrought, if not moments of grace in seeing what is?

If Seth Can Do It....

I'm in a particularly creative mood this morning. This is my fourth post this morning. Helps when the kids have a "late start" day at school and we can all get ready for the day at a leisurely pace.

Seth Godin posted a "help wanted" description on his blog for a technical wizard that he was in need of. I've been trying to find someone to submit my articles to on-line and traditional venues. I'm looking for someone who is:

• A good researcher. Willing to look at alot of places to publish and enjoys the learning process.
• An avid reader and likes to read my stuff. You'll need to be familiar with my archive of articles in order to figure out a fit between what I write and what a venue is looking for.
• Discriminating. Is able to see the hexagonal fit in the hexagonal space instead of the square peg in the hexagonal space. Also not willing to settle for submitting an article to a place that publishes hundreds of other articles each week. I don't want to be part of more clutter.

Pay is negotiable. I know that this will help me grow my business. If you are interested, suggest an article that I've written (see archives at www.carolrossandassociates.com/articles.shtml) with a venue that you think would be a fit. I'm not looking to get some free consulting. I want to get to know your talent and style by seeing what you would produce. Please email me directly, carol@carolrossandassociates.com.

Meeting Them Where They Are At

I've been thinking about the phrase, "meeting people where they are at." It comes up with my clients. It came up in a workshop I took this past weekend with pioneers in the psychology world.

I have a hard time working with people who have a limited capacity to grasp new ideas. Okay, I'll be really politically incorrect and say I have a hard time working with people who are not intelligent, people who don't have sharp minds. People who are dumb. Fortunately, I seem to attract clients who are bright.

I was in a coaching training last month where I had to describe "My Land," the place where I like to live. We were asked who was not welcome in each of our lands. I quickly replied, "the mentally ill, the homeless, and people who are unpredictable in their anger." Life must be trying to teach me something as I have run across my share of all three in various forms.

I have clients who are visionaries. They see the future so clearly that they have trouble meeting people where they are at, in the present.

I have trouble being with people who whine about the status quo but aren't willing to participate in changing it. At a workshop with Amy and Arnold Mindell on working with groups, we played with a process called World Work. The idea is to create a space where different voices in a system could be heard and honored as valuable and out of that, something will shift in the system. People literally step into a space to speak while others observe and listen. One person voiced a provocative position from the back of the room, sitting down. He refused to move but kept talking when the facilitator asked questions. He reminded me of a sniper. I could feel myself getting angry that this person would not step into the space as a participant. What the facilitators did next surprised me. They went to the back of the room and met the sniper where he was at--both physically and emotionally. This created the space for more dialogue and for others to join the now disarmed sniper in his viewpoint. This simple gesture was the door to rich learning.

So I'm going to be working on meeting people where they are at. I don't expect to become a special ed teacher or a social worker or therapist any time soon. But I know there's more for me there if I explore it.

Toilet Stories

I blogged last month about a coming attraction--a featured article in my ezine on shopping for a toilet. Well, I sent my ezine out last week and got great response.

Not to be crass, but everyone can relate to toilets. I heard from my sister in Hong Kong who talked about not having nearly as many choices there for toilets. I heard from a friend who bought a fancy toilet for her husband for their 21st anniversary. She surmised that it's customary to give porcelain for the 21st. One person told me there's a market for older toilets in California because they have alot more flushing power than the newer water-restricted ones. Several people emailed me about how much they laughed.

Which makes me wonder, what else we could laugh about that's part of the human experience?

One Thing Leads to Another

I'm catching up on Seth Godin's blog. Me along with thousands of others who read his blog. Seth has great ideas on marketing and building your business that's fresh and insightful. Best of all, he can communicate those ideas in a concise, pithy way. And he also is up on who else has great ideas. Seth's post today led me to a blog called Buzzoodle Buzz Marketing and a blog posting on creating advocates. Read it. It's good stuff.